Anger leads to Hate

Eh, I'll pry delete this in the morning but today was rough. Not in a "oh poor me no father stuff" but more, remembering the step dad I had, and how his actions aND words haunt me to this day. My mother's strength baffles me because she forgave him. And I can do nothing but hate him. Anger boils in my veins when I think of what he said and did. There are no words to describe the scarring left on my heart. The effect of thinking I'm no better than cowshit. Yet I cherish my loved ones, remind them I love them, and reveal what they mean to me. Not because I'm some pansy ass who talks about feelings but because I never want them to go a moment confused how I feel about them.